I was reading a facebook post by a relative earlier today and her words really struck a cord. She said when she was feeling doubtful about her goals and if she could accomplish them it was the encouragement of others that helped her get through those times. It got me thinking. She's a middle aged woman who is only now starting to find her footing in life. She's not alone. I know many other people in my life that seem to be only getting their crap together 15 years after the social norm. Why is that? Then I looked at all of these people's life patterns. None of them appear to accomplish anything without some serious ego-stroking from others, and because of that they have stumbled and fallen in their life goals over and over.
Don't get me wrong. I know that all humans want other people's acceptance in one form or another at different points in our lives. It's the people though that constantly wonder "why me", that seem to need to approval/encouragement of others for almost every single thing that struggle the most. When you need to approval of others for your own choices you end up changing your original intent of those choices along the way to ensure you continue to get that acceptance from your supporters. It's human nature.
Here's my advice. Grow the hell up.
1. Put on your big girl/boy pants and realize you don't need a cheerleader for everything you set out to do in life. And YES that includes posting everything on FB.
2. Make decisions...NO not wishes. Decisions about your life. DECIDE you are going to go after a certain goal, see it through and finish it no matter how hard it gets. And no, you don't get to take a poll of your friends and family to see if it is the "right" decision. If you want it, do it. Don't' wait for someone to tell you its ok or that it is a "good" idea.
3. Even if you fail at your goal understand that everything is a learning experience and try to use that experience to make something even better out of it.
4. When you decide to quit something make sure it is because your goals have changed and not because of "other" people, whether that be them telling you are bad at something or that the original idea was dumb. Life changes and goals do too. That is OK.
5. Don't keep doing something because you are "supposed to" or because it makes other people happy. Do it for yourself, because in the end it is YOU that has to live with your choices, not other people.
When you can get to a point where you set a goal and achieve it without the constant advice and cheerleading of others you will understand what it truly means to feel self-accomplished.
If I had decided my life they way these other people do I would never have married my husband of 14 years, never gotten my B.Ed., never bought a house, never made the switch from teaching to instructional design and never started running. All of these things are now passions in my life and have brought me to places and people I would never have met otherwise. I tell my husband and my family all the time that despite my personal struggles day to day I am HAPPY. My life is good. How did I do it? I decided these things for myself. Sure, I listened to the advice of others, but it did not rule my choices or goals. It has always been the most important thing to me to be satisfied with my own choices. Understanding and valuing that self-acceptance of your own choices seems to be a crucial part of the life puzzle that these other people never received or learned.
This isn't meant to be a post about how other people should/shouldn't live. It's actually a wake up call to myself to make sure that I impress on my own daughter that she value her own choices above the approval of others. When I look at the miserable path some of these people's lives have taken because they don't value their own choices above the opinions of others it makes me terrified that my own child will end up in this miserable cycle of trying and failing and aimlessly wandering through life with no real passion and self determination. From now on when she asks my advice I'll turn it on her and ask if SHE thinks her idea/goal is a good one and to confidently go after it and that I'll help any way I can. I'll always be there as a shoulder but I'm not going to be a crutch.
